There are many examples of conflict that can occur in or out of school, but are not bullying. Many of the examples below may still result in discussions, counseling or disciplinary action for those involved.
Not liking someone – It is very natural that people do not like everyone around them and, as unpleasant as it may be to know someone does not like you, verbal and non-verbal messages of “I don’t like you” are not acts of bullying.
Being Excluded – Again, it is very natural for people to gather around a group of friends and we cannot be friends with everyone, so it is acceptable that when kids have a party or play a game at the playground, they will include their friends and exclude others.
It is very important to remind kids they do the same thing sometimes too and, although exclusion is unpleasant, it is not an act of bullying.
Accidentally Bumping Into Someone – When people bump into others, the reaction depends mostly on the bumped person’s mood. If they have had a bad day, they think it was an act of aggressive behavior, but if they are in the good mood, they smile back and attract an apology.
It is very important for teachers and parents to explain that some accidents happen without any bad intention and it is important not to create a big conflict, because it was NOT an act of bullying.
Making Other Kids Play Things a Certain Way – Again, this is very natural behavior. Wanting things to be done our way is normal and is not an act of bullying.
To make sure kids do not fall into considering it as an aggressive or “bossy” behavior, we need to teach them assertiveness. Again, although it is not fun or pleasant, this is NOT bullying.
A Single Act of Telling a Joke About Someone – Making fun of other people is not fun for them, but the difference between having a sense of humor and making fun of someone is very fine.
It is important to teach kids (and grownups) that things they say as jokes should also be amusing for others. If not, they should stop. Unless it happens over and over again and done deliberately to hurt someone, telling jokes about people is NOT bullying.
Arguments – Arguments are just heated disagreements between two (or more) people (or groups). It is natural that people have different interests and disagree on many things.
Think about it, most of us have disagreements with ourselves, so it is very understandable to have disagreements with others. The argument itself is NOT a form of bullying, although some people turn arguments into bullying, because they want to win the arguments so much.
They use every means to get what they want and find a weakness in the other person, abuse knowledge or trust they have gained and use it against the other person. It is very important to distinguish between natural disagreements and bullying during an argument.
Expression of Unpleasant Thoughts or Feelings Regarding Others – Again, Communication requires at least two players. Although it may be unpleasant to hear what someone thinks about you, it is NOT a form of bullying but a very natural thing. In every communication, there are disagreements and some form of judgment about each others attitude and behavior.
If someone says to you, “I think this was not a nice gesture” or "You insulted me when you said this”, this is NOT bullying but an expression of thoughts and feelings.
Isolated Acts of Harassment, Aggressive Behavior, Intimidation or Meanness – The definition of bullying states that there is a repetition in the behavior.
Bullying is a conscious, repeated, hostile, aggressive behavior of an individual or a group abusing their position with the intention to harm others or gain real or perceived power.
Therefore, anything that happens once is NOT an act of bullying. As a parent, it is important that you pay attention to what your kids are telling you and find out if things are happening more than once.
Examples taken from Franklin County Community School Corporation
Teen Dating Violence
Conflicts between teens who are dating are typically not considered bullying due to the relationship between the two involved teens.
Teen dating violence occurs when one partner uses violence or threats of violence to gain and maintain power and control over the other. The behaviors are repeated and intentional over time. Many times teen dating violence occurs in order to assert dominance and control over the other dating partner.
While teen dating violence is not considered bullying, the school and district staff will take such incidents seriously. School disciplinary consequences may occur and a plan will be developed to provide support for the affected student, including “stay-away” agreements as appropriate.
Information from 2Break the Cycle: Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence. (n.d.). http:// bit.ly/199Wex6 and Midland Park, N.J. https://www.midlandparknj.org/board-health/files/boh-teen-dating-violence